No thought required -- my phone. I can live without being constantly in contact with the world -- I don't want to live without chocolate. And I'm pretty sure that no one else wants to live with me if I don't have chocolate.

Hmm, are we going for literary quality, enjoyment factor, or influence on my life? I read a lot ^_^

Best:

Good Omens by Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett --> an archangel and an arch-demon team up to try to stop the apocolypse because they are too fond of earth to see it end. Hilarious and really very clever.

Interview with the Vampire by Anne Rice --> when she was at the top of her game, there was no one better than Anne Rice. Her prose is gorgeous, her characters are compelling, and her stories are sexy, fun, and heartbreaking.

The Wholeness of a Broken Heart -- Katie Singer --> wonderful story of how family helps make us who we are and how you have to figure out who you are within and without that framework.

Worst:

Middlemarch by George Eliot --> As a literature student, I'm sure this is blasphemy. I know its a classic. It's still 500 pages of tedious detail that made me want to throw it out of a moving car. It was worse than reading War and Peace.

The Twilight Series by Stephanie Meyer --> Sorry, just crap. Perhaps if she'd had a decent editor and wrote 2 books instead of 4, it would have been less bad. I like my women to kick ass -- not whine all the time.

Lone Survivor by Marcus Lutrell --> The book wasn't big enough for his ego. Or his attitude. And his rather patronizing attitude toward the people who saved his life was not attractive in any way.

Nope. And wouldn't life be boring if it did?

I spent most of the last 3 years putting everything on hold to be there for my family. And now I don't know where to go from here. Is it ok to put myself first now? And what would it mean if I did -- do I even know what I want anymore?

***sigh***

I keep trying, but I'm pretty sure I'm not getting it right. I'm not happy at work and adding things to my to-do list in an effort to fight the apathy isn't really helping. I don't know what would though. I'm good at what I do (at least I like to think so), but how long can I still be good when I feel like this?

Naptime. And believing that bologna and cheese sandwiches on white bread where the height of culinary greatness.

My dad died today.

This sucks.

And already the stupid people are showing themselves to be stupider than expected.

That sucks too.

But, at the same time, if I don't get this out, I'm going to explode. I know I have people who would listen, but I really am not ready to have this conversation in real life. I'll deal with that when I have to, but I'm not there yet.

My dad's dying, more than likely sooner rather than later. The oncologist has officially called in hospice to help with maintaining his medications and other medical needs so that he doesn't have to go to the hospital for things like having the pic line flushed. He's gotten progressively weaker over the last week or so, even walking through the house exhausts him. While I will (and am I suppose) mourn him, at the same time, I don't want to have to watch him suffer and linger -- I just want him to find peace. My mom's a wreck, one sibling is trying to take over the world (or at least our corner of it), and the other two are apparently in denial and can't even make time in their freaking busy schedules to come see him, and I just want to scream -- like, really, just want to go somewhere in the middle of nowhere and scream as loud as I can for as long as I can. Since that isn't likely to occur, I'm contenting myself with ranting here.

At the same time, I'm supposed to go on vacation the first week in June and I have no idea what to do about those plans. The event is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, but I have no idea what the future holds or when it might hold it.

This sucks. Rather a lot.

Reality sucks. I think I shall focus all of my mental energies on escaping it.

One?!?!?! I'm supposed to pick one?!?!?!!?!

The Wholeness of a Broken Heart by Katie Singer. Not the kind of thing I usually read and I don't remember how I picked it up, but, wow. Amazingly rich and layered narrative, fabulous protagonist, and an astonishly perceptive look and family, faith, love, and what it means to define yourself in terms of all of the above.

The current count for Beth's zoo...

1 beagle

1 very spoiled cat

1 goldfish

2 baby bunnies

Number of pets Beth chose to acquire...1 cat and 1 dog. Number of pets Beth has acquired due to others' stupidity...everything else.

And, to top off the general annoyance, sister 1 showed up, ate, brought friends, ate all the donuts, and left all the dirty dishes. And then sister 2 ruined my favorite fleece pants and one of my favorite shirts in the laundry.

I need a drink. Or possibly ten.

I really want my body donated to the Body Farm (http://web.utk.edu/~fac/) but I suspect that my family won't do it, so instead I want any and all useful parts given to anyone that can use them and the rest cremated and the ashes spread in the woods. I like the idea of being part of my native mountains forever.

Where to start?

--universal health care
--repeal the DOMA and legalize same-sex marriage
--end don't ask/don't tell
--get American troops out of Iraq and Afghanistan
--better environmental protections
--more funding for schools and libraries and less funding for bombs
--get rid of No Child Left Behind and put the focus in education on learning and critical thinking not standardized testing
--protect women's health by getting rid of policies that allow pharmacists to refuse to fill perscriptions (cause, you know, they never have a moral objection to viagra!)

I'm sure there are more, but that would be a great start!

Being an agressive, militaristic, arrogant idiot?

I had been at work less than 2 hours this morning before I was pissed. Now, really, does this bode well for the rest of the semester? No, I didn't think so either.

Note to self: continue with the job searching. Find a place where you can (1) get some fucking respect; (2) not be treated like the errant redheaded stepchild, and (3) not feel the need to drink excessively EVERY FREAKING DAY!!!!!!

Yeah, I need a new life. Preferably yesterday.

Today, I took home from work a box of stuff filled with holiday gifts from coworkers. Nice huh? Not really, no. Most of these people don't speak to me the rest of the year so why the hell are we pretending to be friends NOW? I hate hypocrisy -- just keep hating me around the holidays if you do the rest of the year. I promise, I don't mind. I mind your fakeness much more.

My dad is in the hospital again. He has a blood clot in the vein in his chest that the IV-port is in, which is causing his arm to be very swollen and icky. So, now he's back on mega doses of blood thinners to dissolve the clot and they had to take out the port and then put a new one in on the other side of his chest (since he is still on chemo and all).

***sigh***

I really wish the universe would pick on someone else for a change. I think we've had our turn already.

In happier news, my new John Barrowman CD arrived today finally! YAY! His duet with Daniel Boys on "I Know Him So Well" is remarkable. And probably my favorite track.

1. Emails scolding me like I'm a naughty seven year old. Sorry bitchy coworker -- there are people I might like to play naughty games with -- you are not one of them. So back the $&@* off!

2. Getting my concerns about the above emails brushed off as irrelevant.

I'm sure there are more, but those would be the issues of the day.

Bat Out of Hell I and II

Back in Black

Appetite for Destruction

Goodbye Yellow Brick Road

The Dark Side of the Moon

At Folsom Prison

The Man Comes Around

The Black Parade

Trash

Probably, but it's certainly an interesting one. And could be a fun starting point for a debate about destiny and goodwill. Though, I suspect Vlad would be less than impressed with what Bram did with him -- Dracula just doesn't have that macho warrior vibe that I suspect Vlad did. Read The Historian -- her characterization of Vlad is closer to what I think he would be like.